Usually I don’t do anything in the library except look for potential boyfriends even though I already have .4389 sexual partners (the math is kind of confusing at first, but eventually it will make sense). But today was a different day. I was reading this really BORING AND IDIOTIC essay by my LEAST FAVORITE SLOVENIAN PHILOSOPHER (see I just made some really cool references to things that you’re about to look up, but please don’t be doing that because I want to be the only smart person out there). I had to read this essay for CLASS of course so instead of drooling all over my desk, chair, boobs, sacrum, whilst sleeping as I normally am apt to do in the biblioteca, I had to focus my googlies on this little old book.

Suddenly and without warning my HEAD FELL OFF!!!!!! for the second time this WEEK it seems, honestly I’m not even sure anymore, you know? It’s that kind of inconvenience that can REALLY get to you when you’re already having a bad week, much like one’s period (if you’re fuzzy on what that means, I recommend that you watch this informative video). So anyways yeah, I’m just sitting there and the old pumpkin bump (pet name for head) just rolls its little self right off there. Fucking sucks, and the worst part is that my ex-boyf HANS is sitting right there at la computadora and he’s laughing at me, and I’m like “ingen ingen ingen Hans, it’s doesn’t mean I’m inadequate at all, you left me for all the wrong reasons” and then that bastard just looks at me in DISGUST. In disgust! And he turns right back around to the Word document he’s composing of a new story entitled “The Little Mermaid.”

That’s right, everybody! I did date Hans Christian Andersen. And guess what, his penis is NOT as big as everyone said it was! Sluts! So that’s the story of how “The Little Mermaid” was written. It was all about me and the day my head fell off in the library.

Fucking asshole